Revolution for Dummies by Bassem Youssef

Author:Bassem Youssef
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2017-02-17T16:00:00+00:00

THE CURIOUS CASE OF ABU ISMAIL

Think of a zealous religious conservative like Mike Huckabee with his extreme fundamentalist quotes and his adorable smile. Then add some Michelle Bachman’s non-fact “facts.” Then mix that with the bigotry of Donald Trump and the self-serving beliefs of Ted Cruz. Then go ahead and wrap everything up in the crazy that is Sarah Palin. Add a dash of twisted religious interpretation and a scary Islamic beard and now you have Abu Ismail.

Hazem Salah Abu Ismail was an Islamist leader. He didn’t officially belong to any political party or group, but instead managed to create a cult of his own.

He had one of those Santa Claus/ISIS beards growing out of, I kid you not, an adorable baby face. He was in his sixties, but without the beard he looked exactly like Paul McCartney in the 1960s. He was a lawyer, but on the side he had a more lucrative job. He was a television sheikh with his own spot in one of the mosques downtown.

He was a different kind of sheikh. He didn’t just speak about good and bad deeds, heaven and hell, or any of those regular topics about religious rituals and chores. He thought of himself as a different brand. He preached what we can call “bullshit applied religion.” He specialized in speaking about matters that are important to a bigoted Muslim, such as how the Western world is a degenerate filthy place that is trying to destroy Islam in every possible way.

He was known for his ability to uncover the Western conspiracies against Islam. One of his famous television lessons showed him explaining that the soda company Pepsi had led a conspiracy. Yes, Pepsi. The one related to child obesity, sugar addiction, and Beyoncé. He said that Pepsi was an acronym for Pay Every Penny to Save Israel.

I will give you a moment to digest all of this . . . Okay, we’re back.

He was out there spreading a utopian image of the Islamic empire; we ruled the world because we were better Muslims. For the likes of Abu Ismail, a vibrant era is only measured by the extent of its geography. They don’t tell you about the atrocities committed by the many caliphs and war leaders (the same way Christians choose to omit what the Roman and Spanish empires did in the name of Christianity).

When you try to reason with Abu Ismail and his contemporaries, the answer will simply be: God said it, not me. You have a problem, take it up with God. And since you don’t really have a direct line to God, the sheikh will be the only one with the valid interpretation of God’s words.

The rise of Abu Ismail was phenomenal. He organized rallies all over the country. The turnout of his supporters was absolutely crazy. What was special about him is that he didn’t try to sugarcoat his words. He didn’t play the political game the Muslim Brotherhood played when asked about issues like equality, women’s rights, minorities, and personal freedom.

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